i don't like sucking hair
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
