dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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