birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
