those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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