Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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