I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
