i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
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Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
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also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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