Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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