He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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