Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
