I just cut my nipple shaving
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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