I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
vagina is talking i cant
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
