Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
