Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
