for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
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You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
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My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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