I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
