Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dignity is for republicans.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Houston, we have a squirter
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
