He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
