This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
