Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
