I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
