I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
