He uses pillows to masturbate.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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