In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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