Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
only if we run a train.
done.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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