i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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