All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
