just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
