I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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