So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
