best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
