They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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