so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
