(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
