Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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