Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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