Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
