Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
