so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
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Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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