you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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