Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
