She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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