hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
