We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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