U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
