I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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