she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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