I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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