dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
