Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
