just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
