Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
