Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
