Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Still dying that you shit outside
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
