I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
