fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
