Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
