I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
