dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
