Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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