Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
