Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
