hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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