Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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