This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
