yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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